Paul Heyman has posted his latest blog in THE UK SUN, and this week the Mad Scientist praises Ric Flair and the Wrestlemania Weekend-stealing attention Flair received, but also says "I wish Ric Flair would stop crying already."

 

It's a very funny Heyman rant, and one that is really spot-on.

 

In a thinly veiled mention of the wrestling industry's memorial shows for wrestlers who have passed, Heyman said  "I'm a huge fan of 'emotional' moments on wrestling shows, especially ones based on merit and service more than tragedy."

 

Heyman also states, "I think Ric Flair deserves every accolade, every clap of the hands, every tribute paid to him at the Hall of Fame, at WrestleMania, and at Monday Night Raw for his retirement ceremony.  Icried my eyes my out watching Flair apologize to his children, and in some ways even more so by being such a man as to thank his first two wives at the Hall of Fame.  But jeeeesh, I wish Ric Flair would stop crying already."

 

The blog, which can be read here : http://thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/wrestling/heyman/article1005842.ece praises the WWE Hall of Fame ceremony. Heyman also praises Flair's Wrestlemania match against Shawn Michaels, and then praises the Monday Night Raw retirement ceremony.

 

However, Heyman then writes, "If I never see Ric Flair cry again, it'll be too soon.  It would have been great to see Flair go out as the Kiss Stealing, Wheeling Dealing, Limousine Riding, Jet Flying, Sonofagun.  OK, so we're going for yet another emotional moment. We had 'em crying at the Hall of Fame. Had 'em at Mania. OK, one more to go. Let's give it to 'em on Raw.  And after the first set of reunions for Flair, don't you think it was time for the mass curtain call, the standing ovation, the "thank you Ric" chants and goodnight everybody?  It was a treat for everyone to see Ric reunited with Tully and Arn and Windham and JJ.  Anyone who knows the story of how JJ left WWE, and the enormous heat between JJ and Vince will tell you, this was Vince McMahon doing what he felt was right for business.  Hey, there's Ricky Steamboat. That's a nice tribute. Their worst matches against each should be considered all time classics. Those two were magic together. Michaels' appearance and hug makes it complete. That's some great emotion.  But watching Flair cry because Chris Jericho says thank you? Hey, here's John Cena. And he's saluting Flair. Whooop de freakin' do. Yeah yeah, this is basic Thugonomics. What the hell does it have to do with anyone's favorite Flair memories? Cena? Jericho? Where's Fifi the French Maid?  Hell, if we're stretching, bring out the mannequin that doubled as Precious (anyone under 36 or 37 will have to take my word for it)."

 

Heyman also took WWE Chairman Vince McMahon and World Wrestling Entertainment Executive Producer Kevin Dunn to task for their fingerprints on the Flair retirement. Heyman wrote,  "Raise the 4 Fingers with the Horsemen. Drop the elbow on your own jacket. Whooo a bunch of times. And please, I'm begging someone to tell Vince and Kevin Dunn that f'n song about leaving the memories alone is not something that tugs at the heart, nor does it add to the emotion of a Ric Flair testimonial.  Play Strauss' Sprach Zarathustra - which was the theme to 2001: A Space Odyssey - all night long.  That other song is just Vince and Kevin saying: "Here's the WWE touch to it all that makes it so great."  Get over yourselves."

 

What makes Heyman's rant so hysterical is that he constantly complimented WWE on the fine job they did on the Hall of Fame, Wrestlemania, and the Raw retirement ceremony. Heyman even made sure his critique could not be viewed as negativity towards WWE's sendoff or Flair himself. Heyman noted,  "Ric Flair's departure was memorable, so therefore my blog this week should not be considered a criticism but simply a personal observation.  There's nothing wrong with how it was handled. And I'm sure Flair wouldn't change a thing about it. That's his right. It was a tribute to his sacrifice, his career, his lifetime dedication to being The Man.  Just next time, I'd like to see the bug-eyed, half-crazed, surely out-of-his-mind Ric Flair.  The custom-made from head-to-toe personification of the phrase "charismatic character" who just can't help but be the centre of attention.  That's the Ric Flair I want to see. I want to celebrate his career, not mourn it. I just don't want any more boo-hoos.  I'm in the mood for a WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"